Why I Hate Rap Music (Redux)

Written c. 2003. Updated c. September 2006.

(CP: From the as yet unproduced musical RapCity.)

Lots of biatches at the b-ball court
Homies dancin’ round like it was a sport
In cruise some fat guys in their stolen car
Says “fuck” nine times asks how you are
‘spite them being mixed mulatto
They take to hoochies like Italians to gelato
Ladies creaming
Guys daydreaming
Stories he’s telling
She be believin’
Fellas walkin’ round ain’t too humble
Talking ‘emselves up like they was Bryant Gumbel
He likes to breakdance down on his back
During his breaks from his job selling crack
His lady’s renowned for taking the slack
Because her job too involves selling crack
Suddenly someone turns up the beat-box
Chicks on their knees start sucking some cocks
Something to do with music that’s playing
It’s all about sex, no longer ‘bout praying
Illiteracy is ample
Within the sample
Lots of rhymes
All out of time
Basketball singlets everywhere
LA, New York, but no Delaware
But these guys playin’ ball aren’t black
And this locale ain’t no ghetto track
This is goin’ down in the Lower North Shore
Where the guys ain’t cool and the chicks ain’t whores
Maybe only one of those two is correct
Coz the chicks I see are still getting necked.

I can’t see what’s so compelling
About the music these guys are selling
Police keep chasing
Hoods freebasing
It just can’t simply be rebelling.

The kids refer to it as entertainment
Then use it as a defence at their arraignment
But how can you blame LL Cool J
For taking that gun to school on Tuesday
Rap can lead to desperation
But never aural masturbation
The problem is it’s all the same
Rip off a sample, get a classy name
Swear a lot a la discriminatory
Make a video with a movie-sized fee
Get seen round town, but never perform live
Then put it in the shops for Four-Ninety-Five.

Rhythm and Blues was never this bad
But along came rap and changed all that
Something’s wrong with music today
It’s not about the song and all about the pay
How can you claim to be spiritualised
When all I see is dollar signs in your eyes?

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