2016 US Presidential Election Endorsement Poem: I laughed, I cried, I died a little on the inside


I laughed, I cried, I died a little on the inside
As election day nears my brain is fried
It started with a candidacy announced on an elevator
Declining with each promise to make America greater
Again and again we heard abuse and slanderous sobriquets
As orange fiend with minuscule hands busted all bets…

…starting with a GOP field, described as the strongest in history
Even though it had Rick Perry, an avid student of psalmistry
Remember Scott Walker? The moronic primary baulker
For Bobby Jindal few candles still kindle
And warhawk Lindsay Graham can’t even pronounce his name
Personally, I think Mike Huckabee can go suck a D
So I was pleased to see him made weak at the knee.

Rick Santorum’s lame campaign devolved to a sticky mess
Lyin’ Ted Cruz was unmasked as the killer Zodiac
The Low Energy Jeb! moniker was a work of genius
Ben Carson is now self-medicating with Prozac.

Chris Christie drooped out early and went insane
But not before breaking Lil Marco Rubio’s brain
John Kasich’s run was exciting as spirulina
Which kinda rhymes with failure’s Carly Fiorina.

Winning like miasma rising from a toxic quagmire
Was one man to a million thinkpieces inspire
Given to vacillating loyalty and delusions of property royalty
Building a wall and telling tales tall.

Grab em by the pussy!
You can do it when your famous
Ashamed to be a wussy!
Proud to be an ignoramus

Because the bar was set lower than the ninth circle of hell
Despite myriad mendacities his stocks never fell
Lambasting the Khans was simply deranged
Proof mind and reality long since estranged.

A rabble of racists, nativists and kooky conspiracy theorists
Joined the celebration
Alongside the NRA, KKK and pathetic Men’s Rights Activists
He accepted the nomination
Of the party of Lincoln, Reagan, two Bushes, an Eisenhower
A reminder of the mainstream so recently abandoned
Surrendered to a demagogue and a willingness to cower
From threats of the other and gormless propaganda.

“Kick the brown outta town!”
(The crowd cheers)
“Voting’s jigged, election’s rigged!”
(Stoke their fears)
“There’s no denyin’: Obama’s Hawaiian”
“Goodnight to a woman’s right”
(Shrinking base)

What scant policies prevail equate to 💩 sans the charming visage
An 🌎 at ⚔, in thrall to 🇷🇺 they do presage
Countless cock-ups and sub rosa mischievousness
Led to some magnificent moral cognitive dissonance
From Paul Ryan, his craven hypocrisy laid bare
Reduced to resembling Ayn Rand on welfare
And the chelonian Mitch McConnell, his head buried deep in shell
Principles and fortitude found lacking when time to rebel
Reince Priebus, erstwhile candidates and especially Mike Pence
Have subjugated America’s interest for self defence.

Conversely Colin Powell deserves credit
The Congress a new look House and Senate
And Hillary Clinton moving back into 1600 Pennsylvania
A resounding rebuke to insular, despotic, grievous mania.


HRC may be on our side of perfect
‘Flawed’ is the euphemism we’ve come to expect
So too expedient, secretive and prone to lapses in judgment
Yet she is the only one qualified to be president.

In absolute terms her flaws make some wary
In relative terms she’s the Virgin Mary
The alternative a beast vile with the eye of a lair
Undeserved entitlement lingers
His trick to beguile from the ends of his ridiculous hair
To the tips of his tiny childlike fingers.

This November, on the first Tuesday after the first Monday
Hear my clarion call all the way from Sydney
Inject some much needed sanity at the close of this maddening race
Don’t trust the economy to a loon with ‘You’re fired’ as a catchphrase
Pull a lever for credibility, experience and perspicacious vigour
Stomp on hate and bile, promote intellectualism as de rigueur.

Just imagine his jerky jonquil petulant reflexes
When Fox News laments Clinton claiming Texas
He’ll cough up his Big Mac, vomit his McNuggets too
When the returns show Arizona has been flipped blue
A burrito bowl will hit the wall as he lurches for the iPad
To tweet out another incredulous rebuke. Sad!

Happiness for the masses and the centre that has held
Paranoia defeated and our worst instincts quelled
Trust strained, enjoyment drained, a politic tired
I laughed, I cried, I died a little on the inside.

One thought on “2016 US Presidential Election Endorsement Poem: I laughed, I cried, I died a little on the inside

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